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Farewell, Livejournal

Like the last rat from a sinking ship, I am hereby abandoning Livejournal. Lent posts have been copied over to MacCrocodile.com.

See you there.

Lent: Part 40

Ben-Hur (1959) - This movie is best watched with plenty of finger quotes (for subtext).

Well, so much for year seven. See y'all in year eight.

Lent: Part 39

The Fly (1986) - In the first scene, I became convinced that Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are the same person. And then it had sex with itself. Gross.

And now I'm all caught up. See you tonight, if you're coming. If you're not coming, get bent, I guess.

Lent: Part 38

Yentl (1983) - This seems like a good time to apply the Carol Channing Principle. After all, Barbra Streisand owes Carol a movie or two. The obvious move is as the title character, but I honestly couldn't think of a single character Carol Channing couldn't make better.

Lent: Part 37

Atlas Shrugged: Part I (2011) - At this level of writing and acting, one is tempted to reclassify this as porn in hopes that it can compete on its own level. But then one sees the sex scene.

Lent: Part 36

Blithe Spirit (1945) - It's funny because women are irrational and spiteful for all eternity.

Lent: Part 35

The Mill and the Cross (2011) - Turns out this would have made a good fortieth film (hey, did you know Rome bears many similarities to Rome?), but sometimes when you pick movies, sight-unseen (and frantically trying to catch up to the schedule), you have little to no idea what any given movie is about beforehand. Sometimes, it's just something Netflix has been pushing on me for a while.

So I guess I won't be saving this for a fortieth film in some future year, but at least it makes for decent Good Friday viewing, even if this is technically Monday's movie.

Lent: Part 34

Giant (1956) - Dear makeup artists. You can't just comb silver into Elizabeth Taylor's hair and tell me she's old. Same goes for Rock Hudson. James Dean is doing all your work for you.

Lent: Part 33

A Game of Death (1945)

Darien: Huh, so this is not only the first adaptation of the short story The Most Dangerous Game, but also the only one to use the original characters.
Me: Well, duh, because after this one, they were all dead.
Darien: :|
Me: ...and they had to get new ones for the next remake.
Darien: :|
Me: ...because the originals were dead.

Lent: Part 32

Party Monster (2003) - So this is apparently what becomes of child actors. I hear Haley Joel Osment has also done trashy-gay. I must admit: I am surprised. I did not hate Macaulay Culkin's stupid, ugly face.

Lent: Part 31

The Thomas Crown Affair (1968) - I don't know why, but for some reason I find thieves less charming than I did yesterday. Faye Dunnaway, however, was never charming, so there's no loss of appeal there, but when she smashes her face up against Steve McQueen's, it may be the most unattractive screen kiss I've ever seen.

Lent: Part 30

Bringing Up Baby (1938) - Katharine Hepburn has forced me to reconsider everything I thought I knew and felt about Holly Golightlies. Perhaps I must reclassify all Holly Golightlies as inferior copies of the original Susan Vance. Like the brontosaurus.

Lent: Part 29

The Trip (2010) - Rob Brydon can trap his little man in my box any day. No, that came out wrong. What I mean to say is that Rob Brydon is the sexiest Welshman since the last time I saw Rob Brydon on tv.

Lent: Part 28

Brigadoon (1954) - Is it just me, or does anyone else spend most of this movie hoping things work out for the surly, sarcastic friend? Yes, Tommy and Fiona, that's some very nice dancing in the heather on the hill, but how is Jeff? Did he finally get that nap he wanted?

Lent: Part 27

Skidoo (1968) - Once again, Carol Channing lets me down. I was promised a terrible, career-destroying piece of garbage. Yes, the ending was a little confusing and abrupt, but the rest of it wasn't so bad.

Lent: Part 26

Carol Channing: Larger Than Life (2012) - Well, that was a diverting piece of fluff. Not that I expected a hard-hitting, investigative documentary about the most frivolous, light-hearted 91-year-old in the world. Oh well, at least I got to see Carol Channing trash on Barbra Streisand for a minute.

Lent: Part 25

Charade (1963) - I suppose it's possible there are people in the world who don't love thrilling adventures of espionage and murder from the '60s, but such people are uncultured beasts, and I want nothing to do with them. Please let me know if you need help operating the door for your shameful exit from my life, you philistine.

Lent: Part 24

For the Love of Dolly (2006) - Whatever problems I may have, I never tracked down Dolly Parton's assistant's used car to lick the seat belt.

Lent: Part 23

Paris is Burning (1990) - I guess this is just another one of those aspects of gay culture I'll never get. Favorite character: the old drag queen who never appeared in any context other than laboriously applying makeup over the course of two hours for some performance that would never seem to happen.

Lent: Part 22

Popeye (1980) - I can't imagine better casting for a Popeye movie, but how did Robert Altman get picked to direct? Not that I'm complaining, but really?

Lent: Part 21

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (1967) - The lead has a look about him whenever he's scheming that looks more like he's about to touch somebody inappropriately, so the scene where he sings to himself in the mirror is confusing.

Lent: Part 20

Cave of Forgotten Dreams (2010) - Once again, primitive man has shown me up in a skill--in this case, art. Well, at least I'm taller and have a longer life expectancy. Suck on that, primitive man.

Lent: Part 19

Yellow Submarine (1968) - This is the part of Lent where I plug the show the chorus is working on. Come Together: The Music of the Beatles. See it. As for this, I was not nearly high enough to really get it, but I had fun (i.e. vodka) anyway.

Lent: Part 18

Deep Blue Sea (1999) - Maybe I've been ruined by science fiction/horror of the past, but I find movie scientists less believable when they provide a motivation other than "I just wanted to see what would happen." Still, the fact that most of them die is quite rewarding.

Oh, and I know I said I'd watch Hard Day's Night, but Netflix is an asshole, and now denies that the movie even exists.

Lent: Part 17

Wild Target (2010) - Nobody makes good madcap comedies like this any more. It figures it would be based on a French movie. The French probably did it wrong.

Lent: Part 16

V for Vendetta (2005) - When you realize that this was written as a first-hand account of the political zeitgeist of Britain in the '80s, you realize how much they really did gloss over Margaret Thatcher's... problems in The Iron Lady.

Lent: Part 15

Black Narcissus (1947) - A movie about mountain-climbing nuns is not as hilarious as you would think it should be.

A note on programming: As I am running grossly late on Lent (today should be Part 20), I will have to do some catching up before my schedule gets completely out of control.

Friday: there will be a movie. I don't know what yet, but there will be at least one.

Saturday: Two or three movies, of the Beatles type, at Darien's, Joe's, and Mori's house. Hard Day's Night and Yellow Submarine for sure. Possibly a third to be decided when the time comes.

Sometime next week: Skidoo, Carol Channing's lost piece of garbage, assuming I can find it in the heap of garbage that is my room, and Carol Channing: Larger Than Life at the Film Center in Seattle Center. I was going to make an event of this, but it turns out there's no good time to double-feature these two. Oh well.

Lent: Part 14

Time Bandits (1981) - No, I never saw Time Bandits until just now, shut up. I've been busy.

Not Terry Gilliam's best work (I'm looking at you, Brazil), but even his worst is visually striking and whimsically unsettling.

Lent: Part 13

The Mikado (1939) - If you can get past the casual, old-timey racism, it's really quite an enjoyable film.

Lent: Part 12

TrollHunter (Trolljegeren, 2010) - It's like if Norway made The Blair Witch Project, but without the immediately detestable characters whose deaths you root for from start to finish.

Lent: Part 11

The Apple (1980) - This may be the worst rock opera of 1980 that I've ever seen.

Lent: Part 10

Man of La Mancha (1972) - I love Peter O'Toole dearly (and Sophia Loren is okay), but I often felt that this music deserves better singing.

Wait. Peter O'Toole didn't do his own singing? That was on purpose? I need to lie down for a bit.

Lent: Part 9

Topkapi (1964) - A fine example of the jewel heist genre. Beautiful people, beautiful places. Even the MacGuffin is beautiful.

Good lord, if I'd known there was a Turkish oil wrestling scene, I'd have watched this years ago.

Lent: Part 8

The Navigator (1924) - As if he still needed to prove he's better than anybody, Buster Keaton performs the old Sledge-o-matic routine with a giant meat cleaver. On behalf of the estate of Buster Keaton, you're welcome society.

Lent: Part 7

Game Change (2012) - Making me feel a little bit bad for Sarah Palin? Dick move, filmmakers.

Lent: Part 6

The Secret of Kells (2009) - Perfectly charming. It's a shame this had to be up against Up for the Oscar. I guess 2009 was a good year for animation.

Lent: Part 5

Pina (2011) - Without the slightest bit of hyperbole, I feel confident saying this is the greatest, most beautiful, sexy thing that ever was and probably ever will be. You need to see this in the theater, in 3D.

Are you listening to me, James Cameron? That is how you do 3D, you son of a bitch.

Lent: Part 4

Oscar-Nominated Short Films, Animated
  • Dimanche / Sunday - Oh, French Canadians, don't ever change.
  • A Morning Stroll - Chickens and zombies. All it needs is a ninja-pirate... no, that's not fair. Despite the zombies, it was cute. Maybe it started to beat a dead horse by the end, but a cute dead horse.
  • Wild Life - Holy shit, you guys. I want a pet Canadian. Someone get me one, please? This was beautiful, and I pick it to win. To keep with my traditional wrongness, watch for the Academy to declare a four-way tie among all the other entries.
  • The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore - Hey, guess what? Having a long title doesn't make your film clever. Cleverness does, not that you'd know anything about that, Morris Lessmore creators.
  • La Luna - Pixar. Adorable. That about sums it up.
Also Ran
  • Skylight - I take it back about A Morning Stroll. This is what we call beating a dead horse. Needed to be about half as long.
  • The Hybrid Union - No major objections. Carry on.
  • Nullarbor - I don't care about Australia or cars, so it's hard to give even half a shit about this one.
  • Amazonia - Really? What kind of asshole actually includes an audience cheering and applauding for their shitty cartoon? Really?

Lent: Part 3

Oscar-Nominated Short Films, Live-Action
  • Pentecost - This year's Irish Children Have a Hard Life entry. It at least has the decency to be brief. Also, Ireland? I make the liturgical jokes around here, back off.
  • Raju - If you've ever watched a season (any season) of The Amazing Race, you've seen the episode where they go somewhere exceptionally poverty-stricken--usually India--and some privileged twit wanders around in a taxi crying about the plight of these poor people, swearing that they'll do something for poor people as soon as they get home. Germany made a short film out of that episode.
  • The Shore - Although Pentecost was Irish, and some poor kid was very put-upon, it wasn't depressing, so Northern Ireland gave us an uneven comedy that invoked The Troubles and a man with one arm. The lesson: don't worry about people you've offended; they probably don't remember the situation accurately anyway, and your daughter is being overbearing and whiny.
  • Time Freak - Cute, I guess, but I feel like I've seen this before. At a porn festival. The porn version was better.
  • Tuba Atlantic - This year's Scandinavians With Daddy Issues. I didn't think they were going to make it about daddy issues this year, seeing as it's about a very old man with no children, but then he talked about his father! For all the shit I give Scandinavians for their Freudian issues, this one is my pick to win. As usual, I expect to be wrong.

Lent: Part 2

Stagecoach (1939) - The casual racism and swaggering machismo of 1930s Hollywood is a nice change from yesterday's sampling of the formal racism and rigid machismo of 1930s Berlin. This one actually had non-white people in it, too.